Resilient...

I have to laugh. I know, I know... I shouldn't. But I have to. I have attended a class for the last 5 Thursdays on what the Army defines as a resilient family member. I have attended all of the classes and they have now deemed me "equipped". I have to laugh because if I slowed down too long and really thought about why they are teaching me to be resilient I would have to cry.
I choose instead to laugh. I choose instead to hunt the good stuff and to be joyful no matter what the situation.
Drama, what drama? There was drama?
I guess what really keeps me moving is that I have survived so much more than people know. I am 'more than an overcomer'. I don't often give the gory details, but what the Army defines as resilient I define as 'overcomer'. So what exactly does that mean?
It doesn't mean that life is a bowl of cherries and that you never face challenges, or failure, or success. It doesn't mean that you have perfect kids, or a perfect marriage or dogs that never poop on the floor. It means that when you lose everything, you realize it was just stuff. When you lose someone you love, that you remember that God still has a purpose for your life. You plan for the worst and hope for the best. You don't take all of your anger, frustration, fear out on anyone near you. They can't handle it. They don't deserve it. God, whom doesn't deserve it, is the only one that can handle it. I remember many a time sitting in the Ingles parking lot overlooking our little town and yelling and crying to God to change my life. To deliver me. He did. Not in any way that I could have predicted or phathomed - did that prepare me for here? Maybe, but after the last couple of years of walking out the recovery of a life and dreams destroyed, I just value things differently. What used to be a HUGE deal, is now just common place. What used to kick me over the edge now just may cause a few tears. Do I always get it right? No. Are there days that I want to lay in bed and pull the covers over my head? Yes. And I do. Plenty of times.
Sometimes being resilient is knowing that I have permission to shut out the rest of the world. Resilient is being able to say no, being able to set and enforce comfortable boundaries.
This is all what resilient means to me, what does it mean to you?

If I wanted whine, I'd go to the Class Six.

I would love to remind a few wives that the Army is their husband's wife, you are but his mistress. Being an Army Wife is tough, I would  never dare to make light of that, but seriously, whine doesn't help.
There are a few things that tick me off, too. Like my Techie turning 16 in March, yet again, without his Dad around. We miss him on birthdays, alot. He wasn't here for Gamer Boys this past year and he won't be here this year either. He probably won't be around for mine. It's life, you make the best of it and you move on. It's not about what they miss, but the precious hours that they do get to spend with you that matter. A mistress understands that, a wife does not. It's all about perspective, it's all in how you look at it and make the best of it.
I do not posess a crystal ball that lets me know when they are coming home. The 1SGT nor the CDR call me and give me a heads up on when they are having final formation. I get my information from my soldier, just like the rest of us. Our rule here is that most nights of the week, we eat dinner at 7 pm, whether he is here or not. We do school from 9-3, whether he is here or not. We don't watch TV until after dinner, whether he is here or not. I need a routine, my kids need a routine, the Army - has no routine.
Suck up and ruck on. I read a quote the other day that said, "Embrace the suck." Do you have an option? Honestly? I don't think so. It sucks, I know it sucks, you know it sucks, but it is what it is. When my soldier walks in the door I choose to embrace him for the moments that I have him. I plan impromptu date nights because if I try to pencil them in on the calendar I am sure to be disappointed. If we look at each other and realize that we can run away, for an hour, an evening, a weekend, we do it. I can either bash him with my whine, or I can allow him to crawl in the bed next to me and live in a moment of peace without anyone barking orders at him. As I do that, he is more open to embrace me back and allow me to pour out my anxiety on his chest and to wipe away my tears when I have a moment of overwhelming weakness.
I choose to be his mistress and his lover.

The Call...

As I was sitting in PWOC this morning and one of the leaders was praying God showed me a new facet of his love and provision. I had never considered being a "soldier's wife" a ministry position. Not that I didn't minister in that position, the concreteness of the position just never hit me like it did this morning. What does it take to be a "soldier's wife"?
I think that marriage is a ministry no matter what your husband or wife's occupation. The call of a "soldier's wife" though adds a few layers that in my opinion others don't deal with. Being Mom and Dad, coordinating births with training schedules and understanding that God's timing is always perfect. So many women share this ministry with me, and somehow we all have to learn to lean on God in the hard times, pre-deployment, during deployment, R&R and even post-deployment. We are all somewhere in the cycle and I find it very comforting that all though I can feel isolated, as I open up to these new people in my life, that I am not alone in this crazy cycle.
So today, as part of my Blessing Byte, I am thankful for God's calling on my life to be a "soldier's wife", among other positions that he has given me. Today I honor the military and the call that it has on my entire family. Yes, the Army frustrates me to no end, but God uses that frustration to teach me more about myself, to strengthen my need on him and to show me that I am more resilient than I give myself credit for.